| Traveling to the office in the morning is a good thing for me. First, it allows me to catch some sleep. And I always listen to Love Radio's "Tambalan" to top it off. So I think it's not much of a hassle.
Traveling back from the office is another story. Since most of my officemates drop off at LRT Buendia, a bus ride usually means "alone" time for me. I do three things during these lulls- sleep, observe, and reflect.
When I pass by the street lights that stare at me without uttering a word, or when I see the headlights of cars passing me by nonchalantly, I feel alone. So that's what happened last Monday. And I asked God to comfort me, thinking He would dedicate to me the next song I hear on the radio. And here's the song that played, and just what I need:
For You I Will
When you're feeling lost in the night,
When you feel your world just ain't right
Call on me, I will be waiting
Count on me, I will be there
Anytime the times get too tough,
Anytime your best ain't enough
I'll be the one to make it better,
I'll be there to protect you,
See you through,
I'll be there and there is nothing
I won't do.
I will cross the ocean for you
I will go and bring you the moon
I will be your hero your strength
Anything you need
I will be the sun in your sky
I will light your way for all time
Promise you,
For you I will.
I will shield your heart from the rain
I will let no harm come your way
Oh these arms will be your shelter
No these arms won't let you down,
If there is a mountain to move
I will move that mountain for you
I'm here for you, I'm here forever
I will be your fortress, tall and strong
I'll keep you safe,
I'll stand beside you, right or wrong
I will cross the ocean for you
I will go and bring you the moon (yeah, yeah)
I will be your hero your strength
anything you need (I will be..)
I will be the sun in your sky
I will light your way for all time
Promise you
For you I will
For you I will, lay my life on the line
For you I will fight, oooooh
For you I will die
With every breath, with all my soul
I'll give my world
I'll give it all
Put your faith in me (put you're faith in me)
And I'll do anything
I will cross the ocean for you (I will cross the ocean for you)
I will go and bring you the moon
I will be your hero your strength
Anything you need
I will be the sun in your sky
I will light your way for all time
Promise you (Promise you)
For you I will, I will, I will, I will,
I will cross the ocean for you
I will go and bring you the moon
I will be your hero your strength
Anything you need, (Anything you need)
I will be the sun in your sky (yeah, yeah)
I will let you wait for all times
Promise you (I promise you)
For you I will (Ooooh)
I promise you
For you I will
And then I promised Him I will post this on my LJ. So that's it. | comments: 2 comments or Leave a comment   |
| I heard this song on the radio. Then it keeps playing in my head. And after months of searching, I finally found it. Here it goes. I like the chorus of the song, because this is what i feel today. Hahahaha.
YOU GIVE ME SOMETHING
- James Morrison -
You want to stay with me in the morning
You only hold me when I sleep,
I was meant to tread the water
Now I've gotten in too deep,
For every piece of me that wants you
Another piece backs away.
'Cause you give me something
That makes me scared, alright,
This could be nothing
But I'm willing to give it a try,
Please give me something
'Cause someday I might know my heart.
You already waited up for hours
Just to spend a little time alone with me,
And I can say I've never bought you flowers
I can't work out what they mean,
I never thought that I'd love someone,
That was someone else's dream.
'Cause you give me something
That makes me scared, alright,
This could be nothing
But I'm willing to give it a try,
Please give me something,
'Cause someday I might call you from my heart,
But it might me a second too late,
And the words I could never say
Gonna come out anyway.
'Cause you give me something
That makes me scared, alright,
This could be nothing
But I'm willing to give it a try,
Please give me something,
'Cause you give me something
That makes me scared, alright,
This could be nothing
But I'm willing to give it a try,
Please give me something
'Cause someday I might know my heart.
Know my heart, know my heart, know my heart | | comments: 2 comments or Leave a comment |
| Open Book
- This is the deal I made with my officemates. Our lives would be open books to one another as a sign of brotherhood. But I have a feeling one of us is not telling the truth. Someone, please tell me I'm wrong. Bring it on! Hahaha.
Reunion
- I enjoyed it, a lot. College days. How nostalgic. A lot has changed, but I'm really happy the closeness is still there. I hope our plans for the summer don't get burned out. I can't resist the urge to repeat that memorable line, "Teka, may gusto ka sa akin dati a" - Someone (while pointing to someone else).
Death Note
- I love the manga, but I love the anime more.
My Alter-ego (sounds psychotic)
- One fine day after work, I was riding a jeepney on my way home. It was a habit of mine to sit in the front, because I think it's safer to sit there (while asleep). Anyway, I noticed someone in the jeepney in front of us staring at me (maybe because he recognized me). And I recognized him. He was my alter-ego. My childhood bestfriend. We were best friends yet we were the best rivals. He was the athlete, and I was the nerd (Take note of the verb tense). We would hang out and we would compete. We even had a bet who would grow taller (I lost to this one though, oh well). But as we grew older, we drifted apart. But everytime we meet up, we would still compete. And I smiled at him innocently as the jeepney I was in overtook his. I just knew I would be the winner - in more ways than one. Then again, the game is still on. | | comments: Leave a comment |
| It's just what I wanted. After mentally preparing for tons of work this month (and over a long weekend), I got sick. There I was, programming like there was no tomorrow, and from time to time wiping the tears in my eyes. My head hurts, and I have difficulty breathing. Even my voice faltered. Damn you, sipon!!!
My eyes are swollen, my nose is red, my cheeks are flustered. I had to travel by public transportation. The bad thing is, I could not sleep even if I tried. Worse, I had to endure the curious people who can't help but look at my pathetic situation.
I could use some private space. I could use some quiet time. I could not believe how precious these things are. And now that I'm sick (and tired), I miss them the most. But then again, if I die, I'll have all the private space and quiet time I'll need (and perhaps more).
Someone make me laugh, please... | | comments: 3 comments or Leave a comment |
| I did not go to work today. I'm preparing myself for a month's worth of overtime. This is gonna be a busy March. Vacation afterwards is not a bad idea, but money is certainly an issue.
I forgot to mention Rigel. Happy Birthday, Rigel! (Pasalamat ka malakas ka sa ken, haha). I promised him one whole page, but I won't. They started a DotA game without me, and it's his fault I was left out. I hope you graduate this term. OK, I hate to admit it, but you are a close friend. Tama na! I think one paragraph is enough. Hehehe...
I was disappointed to discover after years of waiting we've become strangers. I really don't know what to say to you anymore. You've moved on, and I've moved on. So stop apologizing over nothing, because I find it annoying. Talk to me about anything, but don't say you're sorry. Besides, isn't it a little too late? | | comments: Leave a comment |
| | Subject: | FISH | | Time: | 12:46 am |
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| Three of my closest friends are celebrating their birthdays this time of the year. Happy birthday to you George, James, and Cza!!! I wish you joy, and happiness, but above all this, I wish you love (parang lyrics ng kanta a)!!!
I've been watching PBB lately and it dawned on me that the reality show was somehow based on a God (played by Big Brother) - Man (played by the contestants) theme. I was wondering if God's angels find our lives amusing, just like how we are entertained when we watch the housemates struggle as they play by the rules and do their designated tasks.
OK. So I'm interested in her, and I do hope to know her better. Good luck to me. | | comments: 2 comments or Leave a comment |
| People are high-strung these days. Love is in the air, and I'm suffocated. I feel its weight on my shoulders. I want a good massage. And as a loser, I ended up spending my Valentines at home. But I did give out chocolate to the girls in our office.
I apologize for freaking you out. My intentions are not what you think, and I'm saying this from my point of view. Maybe on the day we meet again, we could clear this up. But right now, I don't want to be another of your problems. I'm here if you want to talk to me. Again, I'm sorry.
I have other things to say but I'll tell them later.
And a Happy Chinese New Year, too! | | comments: 1 comment or Leave a comment |
| The dinner/videoke/teambuilding night was a huge success! Woohoo! Next time, outing naman (I need to improve my persuasive skills first).
Congrats to my friends, Gab, Leo and Carl for graduating! (and to Benjo, too!) Cherish your vacation! Hehehe...
My mind is cloudy. Oh Lord, I need Your guidance. | | comments: 2 comments or Leave a comment |
| | Subject: | Work | | Time: | 09:06 pm |
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| Today, I didn't go to work.
I want to rant about my family issues here, but I decided it's not healthy. I mean, this blog has to be my outlet for everything that's happening in my life but recently I realized some things are best kept secret. Nevertheless, I love my parents, both of them, except when they fight every DAMN morning.
On a lighter note, I swear, the credit card IS the devil's wallet. I can't wait to get my salary, and pay my dues. For the past weekdays I've been eating in fancy restaurants and it certainly is painful for a man with a shallow pocket. And not going to work helped me save a hefty Php 150.00.
So what did I do the whole day? I downloaded Sigaw and watched it. It still gave me the creeps even though I am familiar with the cast. I really believe it's worthy of a Hollywood remake, following the footsteps of its other Asian parents.
Tomorrow is the day I was waiting for. Videoke with my teammates. Farewell party to my boss and idol, Sir Jules.
Peace out. | | comments: Leave a comment |
| I want a box of Planar Chaos, a Magic: The Gathering expansion. I want to sell the rare cards and enter a tournament. Let's make it a business!
Later, I played DotA with John, James and their officemates. They seem to be good company. Wow, James MUST be really that sociable because he is the center of their attention. Thanks for the free games.
We walked through Greenbelt around 2:00 am. I was insecure, wearing my office clothes, tired from working my ass off, while the rich people there had all the time and money in the world. Oh well, though it's a party scene, I guess when they're alone they have their own problems to deal with. That makes it fair enough.
And we went to Providence for videoke. Rigel and Vince joined us there. We went home around 6:00 am. At least, I was home before the sun came up. The morning breeze was cold and damp, it felt as if a storm was coming.
I installed the game I borrowed from Vince. It took me hours to install just to find out my video card is not supported. I need an upgrade! Or someone could give me one! (ASA)
I asked her out. She said, "Let's see..." | | comments: Leave a comment |
| The Pagudpud trip was so wonderful and exhausting I couldn't even decide where to start. I felt as if I was in another country. That's all. I want to go back there again.
The BSB-Sucat (honestly, I hate the name, hehehe) reunion was very, I don't know, sentimental maybe, for me. Six years, guys, we've come a long way. I'm so proud to be with you. I wish us more fun and escapades together. Hahaha...
Valentine's Day is knocking at my door, and unlike previous years, I'm going to answer it. This time, I want to spend it with someone special (LOL, I remember the line, "Friends?!? Puro na lang friends?!?" ). The question is, who? Aside from that, wala akong budget. I wonder what the other members of Singles' Club are planning... hmmm...
Tomorrow is Friday, and I don't have anything planned (,yet). I wish I could prove to my mom I could come home on a Friday night (or at least Saturday morning... hehehe)
I am currently contemplating on the lie behind the line I heard from the radio: "No need to stress about it, because nothing is THAT important."
Well, there is. | | comments: 3 comments or Leave a comment |
| Tomorrow, we're going to Pagudpud, Ilocos Norte. I'm excited. After our ill-fated trip to Puerto Galera, I'm already looking forward to more adventures. This will be my longest trip on land, and I'm disappointed I couldn't go sightseeing since we'll be traveling during the night.
I JUST have to mention a few things. First, I'm sad Cza couldn't join us. (Don't worry, Irog, I'm not mad) I'm kinda expecting the news because lately (after the Cursed Puerto Galera trip) I've been involved in other doomed events. I won't enumerate them anymore because it will destroy my current mood. Thus, I have earned the codename LI (Laging Iwan). But I think Eisen coined a more beautiful term LB (Laging Bigo). And for the finishing touch, I'll add my name's initial at the end to turn it into something unbearable - LBM (Laging Bigong Manuel). Haha! I'm such a loser! (and corny, too.)
News at the office doesn't help, either. Things are a bit shaky right now and I feel a little misplaced. I'm also nervous about the project I'm doing. Promotion or expulsion, I have to make a choice. Hehehe...
Things at home seem more subtle. My mom is ALWAYS reminding me to tuck away some money for future use (which I really INTEND to do). I love my nephew, Lance. When he prays, he ALWAYS asks God loudly to take care of ME, and after praying he comes to me saying, "Did you hear that, Tito There?" (Ok, ok. He's still having trouble pronouncing the letter L, so he couldn't say my name yet. I'll correct him someday. So for my name, he just adopted his reply to the question, "Where's your tito?") Anyway, I'm happy to know someone prays for my sake, HONESTLY. Cute kid.
And for my lovelife, I want to ask this girl out, but I have to be careful. That's all. If ANYONE finds out, I'm burned meat. (Sounds kinda fishy, huh?)
To wrap it all up, it's the first time I saw a wake-turned-brawl. What do you expect from this place? I love it. | | comments: 1 comment or Leave a comment |
| My mind's a little wobbly at the moment. Maybe from watching too much Death Note and Shin Chan videos.
A neighbor died. I don't know him/her. Look, I don't even know if it's a he or a she. And his/her house is just beside ours. May God bring rest to his/her soul (He/She's still a kid, so I believe he/she will become an angel).
Yung problema lang, naglabasan lahat ng mga kapitbahay ko at nagpupuyat sa harap ng bahay nila. At masyadong maingay. Naririnig ko pa sila habang nagcacara'ycruz. Sana mahuli sila lahat ng mga KAGAWAD! Hahahaha...
A solemn wake would be more appropriate. | | comments: Leave a comment |
| | Subject: | Blessings! | | Time: | 09:43 pm | | Current Mood: | ![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/growf/pengies/happy.gif) happy |
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| Today I feel blessed.
I didn't arrive late, just 3 minutes within the grace period. (I think I have to do something about waking up early.)
Camille brought a package from Chris and I received a shirt and some chocolate. Thanks Chris!
I went to the client's office this afternoon and they bought pizza for me, saying they didn't send a gift last Christmas! Yum!
Thank You, God! I bet You have a lot of good stuff in store for me this year. | | comments: Leave a comment |
| There's no better way to start the day (first day of work for 2007) than listening to 90.7 Love Radio's morning show "Tambalan ng Balasubas at ng Balahura".
Jologs na kung jologs. I love that show. I'm a die-hard fan (of Nicole Ayala). I remember a few months back I bought a cellphone with a radio just to hear their show every morning. And the show kind of reminds me of one of my frustrations (I want to be a voice talent, either a radio dj or a dubber for anime).
I don't care if other passengers turn my way as I'm laughing out loud by myself. Baka sa ibang butas pa lumabas, pag pinigil ko...
Green jokes, corny jokes, anecdotes - you name 'em, they have 'em.
Kudos for the "Tambalan", you ALWAYS make my day (Weekday, that is).
Anyway, here's the link to their site! (Ang Jologs talaga! Promoter na dating ko nito!)
http://www.tambalan.piczo.com | | comments: Leave a comment |
| It was the vacation after our high school graduation. The three of us lied down on the beach with our backs against the sand. Shirtless, I felt its radiating warmth on my skin while I watched the sun approach the horizon. We enjoyed listening to the gentle sound caused by the waves meeting the shore. Our silence was bliss.
“Do you think we’ll be friends forever?” Carmi asked. I turned to my right and smiled at her. I knew the answer.
“That’s a stupid question to ask,” Allen commented, who rested on Carmi’s other side. “We’ll grow old together. There’s no reason not to.”
Carmi sat up and got hold of some sand on her right hand. She loosened her grip and allowed the grains to pass through between her fingers.
“I wish that our friendship will never end,” she prayed, as she emptied the sand on her palm. “Even though we’ll be entering different universities, we’d still keep in contact and remain close. Even though we’ll be gaining new friends, we’d still find time to spend with one another.”
The breeze blew the particles of sand towards Allen, and to his misfortune, got some grains on his eyes. He almost jumped in agony as Carmi apologized, trying to help my friend in any way she can. I laughed heartily.
“All things come to an end, Carmi,” I said, being the pessimist of the three. “One more thing, the sand doesn’t grant wishes. That’s a silly thing to do. Congratulations, you’re on a roll today for stupidity.”
Carmi glared at me, feigning hurt. I stared at her deep brown eyes and saw nothing but kindness. I turned away as quickly as I could. I realized I could never lose her. But then again, I had already. I didn’t notice Allen had recovered from his dilemma.
“Look, the sun is already setting,” Allen shouted, pointing to the horizon. Without saying a word, I quickly got up to fetch my camera. I ran towards our gazebo, which was further up the beach, as fast as I could.
I held the camera as I walked towards my friends. I was bewitched by the sunset. The cloudless sky was lit by various shades of red, and the calm waters reflected what was above like a mirror. The sun was brilliant, as if displaying its might even in its final moments. The scene was so beautiful I even thought it was romantic.
And there they were, two figures chasing one another on the beach. They were obviously having fun, without me. After a while they were already dancing; they held one another’s hands as they spun around. Their laughter was so profound I could hear it from where I am, especially Carmi’s.
For all I was worth, I could never make her happy the way Allen does. I accepted defeat. My shaking hands tried its best to hold the camera still, to get a good view of their perfect moment. I forced my finger to push the button. I made the shot, at the expense of my heart.
“Dance with us,” Allen yelled. Carmi faced my direction and flashed the smile I loved. She then turned to Allen and placed her hands on his shoulders. Something inside me believed that the move was deliberately done. She could have just stabbed me with a dagger through my chest and made the same effect.
“Come on,” Allen invited, his voice filled with contentment. “Let’s celebrate our friendship, our vacation, and our future.”
“I’ll just watch you guys from here,” I replied, sitting down near them. From now on, it was them and me, not us. I’d just observe from a distance. I was officially the third wheel. I never felt such pain before, and I swallowed it all before it could get the best of me.
“Suit yourself,” Carmi said, a hint of bitterness in her voice. I looked into her eyes but I saw otherwise. There was so much love in them. “Don’t be such a kill joy. I’d drag you here if I have to.”
I didn’t need more encouragement. I got up on my feet and moved in rhythm with an imaginary song about friends and seashells and waves and sunsets. It was the longest dance of my life.
I gave the photograph as a wedding present to Carmi and Allen. I also gave them the negative. I no longer need them, because I have the same picture in my head playing over and over, tormenting me even in my sleep. Their perfect moment was my worst memory. But they never knew it. We still talk about that time but until now they’re both clueless of what I’m feeling. I guessed I deserved this pain for hiding this secret from them.
Allen examined the picture and said I could be a top photographer one day. I said to him that we had the same vision. He gave me a high five and told me we both think alike. The list of our similarities goes on and on, I believed. We both love Carmi, and that’s only one of those things. But he had something I didn’t have.
When Carmi saw the photo, she wept. She said it was full of emotion. She was right. But in my point of view, it was not happiness- it was sorrow. With tears in her eyes, she hugged me and whispered what a good friend I was. I whispered back that she deserved the best, and for sure the best was not me.
Looking back, I agree that the photo speaks of love, not regret. It was an open love, shouting to the world how beautiful it is, like the sunset in the picture. It was a love meant to be witnessed, and more importantly, meant to be cherished. Unfortunately though, I was the one to see and remember it. It was a love unlike mine, which I kept to myself. The one I felt consumed me and haunts me to this day. I made a promise to let it out one day, but in the end, I made myself believe it was better if they never knew. If I had endured this pain up to now, I think I could bear with it for the rest of my life.
As I strolled along the same beach, I heard a familiar tune. It was the song about friends and seashells and waves and sunsets. I danced. Now, I’ve got nothing to lose. I needed this vacation. | | comments: 8 comments or Leave a comment |
| Mr. Gonzales stepped out of his car and marveled at the dancing lights decorating the building in front of him. He shivered as a cold gust of wind brushed against his face on that stormy night, yet he remained motionless, hypnotized by the blinking sign that read “Queen of Clubs”. Without hesitation, he turned his gaze to the entrance and walked inside.
The dim illumination of the place set a comfortable atmosphere, and a mirror ball, which hanged on the center of the ceiling, sprayed in all directions faint reflections that swerved slowly in rhythm with the soft music. Except for a few regulars like him, Mr. Gonzales noticed that the bar was almost empty. He took his seat at the corner of the room, glanced at his watch, and waited for someone to take his order, a routine he never failed to miss every Thursday night. After some time, a short woman recognized him and moved towards him, though she had been flirting with a drunkard since Mr. Gonzales arrived.
“Good evening, honey,” Magda sarcastically greeted, obviously annoyed for doing her job. “What do you want?”
“The usual,” Mr. Gonzales replied normally as the waitress at his side wrote it down on a small piece of paper she drew out from her pocket. Magda discerned a lot of loneliness at the man’s voice, and she had a hint about the reason behind it. She left him there in silence, understanding his situation.
Mr. Gonzales was lost in his thoughts when Magda returned carrying a tray containing five bottles of cold beer and a sizzling plate of sisig. He was taken out of his reverie once she began to talk.
“So tonight is her last night, huh?” The man met her eyes, finished one bottle, and then bowed his head down. She was right on target.
“Yeah,” he answered after a few seconds. She finally concluded that he wanted her company. “Can you tell me why?”
“Rumors around here say she is getting married to some old guy,” Magda told him, anticipating a big tip in exchange of the information. “From what I’ve heard, the bastard is super rich. I wish I have the same luck.”
“You’re lying,” he blurted.
“Say what you want.” She decided not to fight back, although she was clearly disappointed at his response. She took pity on Mr. Gonzales and she did not want to get in trouble. “I may be a whore, but then, even whores keep their word.”
“She said she loved me.” The look on his face was unreadable. “She said I was the one.”
“Believe me, honey,” the waitress assured him, “she tells that to every guy here. It’s a management rule.”
“But why?” Mr. Gonzales cried, near the point of breaking down. He swigged another bottle. “Why does she have to lead me on?”
“It’s strategy,” Magda quickly informed him. “We give you your fantasies, you give us your cash. It’s pretty simple, actually.”
“But,” he stammered, “I don’t give her money. We just talk. Damn, I haven’t even kissed her.”
“Well, that’s new.” she said, while glancing at newcomers who entered the bar. She was getting impatient, and decided that she had enough of their conversation.
“Maybe she does love you, Mr. Gonzales, but if I were you, I won’t lift my hopes up. She’s still getting married, you know,” she paused, “to another man.”
“So what do I do now?” he asked the waitress, knowing he was not a millionaire to compete with a wealthy, dirty old man. Magda could not take it anymore, assuming that this particular customer was eating her time and was not planning to give her something in return.
“I’m sorry,” she sincerely said. “Those guys need my immediate attention. I’ll try to help if I can.” Mr. Gonzales looked at the noisy group of college friends who excitedly pointed their fingers at every woman they saw inside. She was already at their table before he could thank her.
For the next thirty minutes he took his time finishing one bottle of beer, keeping the last two for his woman’s performance. He decided not to get drunk, thinking he needed a clear mind that night. It did not take long before a sexy lady wearing nothing but a nightgown and a mask stood on the platform. Magda approached her and they talked for a while, both looking at his direction often. When the music started, the woman on stage danced her best, a final show to her final audience. The waitress also resumed taking the customer’s orders.
Mr. Gonzales’ eyes were glued to the dancer, who tried to be as provocative as she could muster. He imagined that behind the mask, the woman was staring at him, dancing for him exclusively. When she removed the only garment she wore except for the mask, the regulars knew it would be a table dance and yelled for her to pick them. He suddenly wished that she would go atop his table at the corner of the bar and talk to him while she moved with the music. To his dismay, she chose the pack of college students who laughed and teased one another as they touched her body.
Their dirty talk made Mr. Gonzales furious. He was about to throw his empty bottles at them when Magda put her hand on his shoulders, stopping what was on his mind.
“She wants to meet you in her dressing room,” she whispered. “She’s almost finished. Go now. Tell the bouncer she sent for you.”
“Thanks,” he answered with a small smile on his lips. She nodded her head in response.
“I don’t need your gratitude, but I accept cash,” she said, flashing a wicked smile of her own. The man gave her a five hundred peso bill and headed for the bouncer on the side of the stage. Magda hoped the payment would not be for nothing after she saw the bouncer letting him in. The dancer, as if waiting for him, stopped her routine and made her exit, leaving the crowd noisy and clueless. A hostess got up the stage to calm the furious audience. The waitress continued her job with a smile on her lips and a fresh bill in her pocket.
Mr. Gonzales stepped inside the dressing room to find the dancer standing there, naked, with the mask in her hand. She was truly beautiful, and in his eyes, an angel of perfection. She led him to a dark and isolated room, careful not to give away their location. It was their lips that made their first contact, and they kissed each other hungrily. He treasured every moment. It was their first kiss. And he knew that it could be their last as well. Moments later, she was the one who pulled away.
“I want to talk,” she said with finality. Her eyes held his, allowing him to see all her emotions.
“Why didn’t you come to me personally, Sara?” he cried. “Why did the waitress have to do that?”
“He’s here, baby,” she replied. There was fear in her voice. “He’s watching me.”
“The bastard!” he shouted in anger. She put her lips on his to silence him until he calmed down.
“If he finds out, he’ll kill you,” she whispered, “I’d never want that to happen.”
“But why, Sara?” he asked. “If you love me, why would you marry him?”
“He got me knocked up. I’m pregnant!” She was sobbing. Mr. Gonzales pulled her into an embrace to comfort her.
“How did you know he’s the father?” he said. “Why are you so sure?”
“Because he insists,” she answered. “He’d hurt me if I don’t agree with him.”
“I’ll get you out of here,” the man told her. “I’ll take you where he can’t harm you.”
“But how?” she pleaded. “The wedding’s tomorrow.”
“Let’s do it tonight.” His conviction was enough to convince her. “Exit through the back door, and I’ll make mine through the front. That way it won’t be suspicious. I’ll wait for you in my car.”
“Ok,” she approved. They kissed again and proceeded to their plan, each one hoping for a safe escape.
Sara tried to get out from the back without being seen, wearing only a blanket to cover herself. She thanked the heavens for sending a heavy rain that night, making the streets barren except for water. When she arrived at the parking in front of the night club, she could not recognize the car of Mr. Gonzales. Soaked and shivering because of the weather, she closely inspected each parked vehicle. But her efforts were in vain, because Mr. Gonzales had left without her. She called for him to come back, to save her from her predicament, but all she heard in response was a screech of a car turning in a distant corner. Her tears were obscured by the shower, falling to the ground with the raindrops. A hit behind her head made her unconscious, and an old man snickered and let his bodyguards carry her to his car.
Half an hour later, Mr. Gonzales was staring at the corpse of his wife and their baby; both did not survive the night. They died in a car accident when she went out to look for him, tagging along their eight month old son. A delivery truck crashed with their car because of the slippery road. All of them were taken to the nearest hospital, but their son was dead on arrival. He received the phone call while waiting for Sara, and destiny posed him the one million dollar question. He had to choose one: his love or his responsibility. Time was running out. He had to decide. And he did.
“Where have you been?” These are the last words of his wife. She did not live to hear his answer. The question played on his mind over and over. It was driving him insane. It was a part of him he could not reveal to her. It was the part of him he did not choose. He closed his eyes and prayed the nightmare would stop, hoping God would still listen to him.
On a Thursday after two months had passed, Mr. Gonzales stepped out of his car and marveled at the dancing lights decorating the building in front of him. He shivered as a cold gust of wind brushed against his face on that stormy night, yet he remained motionless, hypnotized by the blinking sign that read “Queen of Clubs”. Without hesitation, he turned his gaze to the entrance and walked away. With tears in his eyes, he remembered that day he gambled with fate and lost everything he had. | | comments: 7 comments or Leave a comment |
| I quickly walked into the room and made my way through familiar faces, throwing a fake smile here and there. I was searching for Naomi in the crowd when she found me, dragging me towards her like a puppeteer pulling her doll’s strings.
“What’s the meaning of this? The party started almost two hours ago.” I just shrugged at her overexcitement. After all, she’s my best friend for almost an eternity.
“Not exactly my type of welcome.”
“And you arrive fifteen minutes before the New Year? What kind of entrance is that?” For a moment there, I thought that she had a point.
“Do I have to remind you that I have a job?”
“Which, by the way, is finished around ten. What took you so long?” I tried to fabricate a lot of reasons. I can’t complain about traffic, since we live in a small neighborhood. I can’t say I took too much time preparing, because obviously I came in wearing my work clothes. I decided it best to concede.
“Okay. You got me. I am not feeling well tonight.” Naomi looked convinced for a few moments. She smiled.
“It’s about him?” It was more like a statement than a question. I was cornered. I wondered how she knew. Without hesitation, she pointed to me his direction, and like some scene in a movie, the crowd parted and there he stood, holding a glass of champagne in his hand, chatting the night away with some friends.
“What is he doing here anyway?”
“It’s because he’s here you’re acting like a total moron.”
“Not at all. I’m not acting, and I’m not a moron.” She almost laughed. Nevertheless, she understood my concern.
“Isn’t he a charmer?” I never escaped Naomi’s grasp. The conversation is entirely focused on him I found it quite uncomfortable. But in the end, my eyes returned staring at him, and my head nodding to concur with her. We both adored him.
The moment his eyes caught mine drastically increased the awkwardness I was feeling. I tried looking away, but that only caused him to walk towards me. Naomi, knowing what was going to happen, left my side saying she’s getting me something to eat and drink. My heart raced as the distance between us became shorter and shorter.
“Happy New Year.” Three simple words and I could not respond. Gathering all my courage, I only managed to smile at him.
“Why are you trembling?” He asked. I shuddered at the fact that my anxiety was too evident.
“I should have worn a blazer.” I realized it was better if I never said anything.
“Here. Use my jacket. It’s yours from now.” He had put it on my shoulders before I could decline. The embarrassment was tearing me apart. When I gazed at him, his face became serious. It dawned on me that I could not evade the issue anymore. The silence between us was intimidating.
“I’m sorry.” His remark surprised me.
“About what?” I pretended not to know.
“For doing it.”
“If you want to, forget it as if it never happened.”
“Do you have regrets?”
“None. But I presume you do.”
“A little.” My heart sank. At the back of my mind, I knew I had, too.
“I should have known.”
“I was drunk.” He was controlling his anger but it was his immaturity that breached through the surface.
“Do you think I was not?” I was also trying my best to remain calm.
“I won’t be held responsible.”
“Don’t even go there.”
“Why not?”
“Because I am not planning to get knocked up. It’s been five months. My stomach should already be bloated at that rate.”
“Have you told anyone about it?”
“Not a soul.”
“Good.”
“So it won’t ruin your reputation.”
“It’s for the both of us, you know.” We remained silent for a few seconds. On that note, I knew it was my turn to ask.
“Did you mean it?”
“What?” He was unsure of what I was pertaining to.
“Don’t tell me you don’t even remember.”
“Remember what?”
“Never mind.” He appeared as if he was fighting with himself. He struggled for a while and took a deep breath.
“I didn’t mean it. It slipped out of my mouth.”
“What a convenient thing to say.”
“I said I’m sorry.”
“Did I tell you I forgive you?”
“No.”
“It goes to show I’m as confused as you.”
“So what happens now?”
“Between us?”
“Yeah.”
“I really don’t know.”
“Same here.”
“Let’s just leave it like that.” He grabbed the opportunity to throw the question I dreaded the most.
“Did you mean it?”
“Mean what?”
“Don’t act stupid. You told me you loved me, too.”
“It was nothing.” It was the greatest lie I ever made. It was the greatest lie I could never forget.
“Oh. It seemed like it came from your heart.”
“No.” He was skeptical. Yet I could see he was also uneasy. He put something in his pocket and held it there, his hand buried deep and his arm shaking.
“I have to go. I’m really sorry.”
“Goodbye.” He turned away without letting me finish my sentence. He raised his hand in response, but he never looked back. Soon he was out of my sight, the crowd enveloping him completely, preventing me to take a second chance. Naomi came just in time and gave me a long hug, her concern engraved in her face. Tears fell against my will. Slowly, it all settled in. I drank to relieve my tension. Thankfully, Naomi was there comforting me.
“I heard he was going to propose to someone tonight, and I thought it could be you.”
“No. It wasn’t me. We talked about a different matter.”
“I would not leave your side if that was the case.”
“He would not leave my side if that was the case.”
“Will you tell me what happened?”
“Later.”
The countdown began. TEN. I noticed his jacket was still with me. NINE. I uncovered a note in its pocket. EIGHT. “I’m sorry…” SEVEN. “…for that one night stand…” SIX. “…for leaving you behind afterwards…” FIVE. “…for saying I love you and not meaning it…” FOUR. “…for making you suffer…” THREE. “…for playing with your feelings…” TWO. “…for choosing your best friend.” ONE. “I’m sorry for everything.” I realized he was not immature, he was just practical. I tried to figure out how he knew what I felt for him. The celebration has started.
“Happy New Year, too.” I said to him as he approached Naomi carrying a bouquet of roses. It was the least I could do. He sadly smiled. I rewarded his sincerity and honesty with forgiveness and approval. The crowd cheered and Naomi wept, accepting his offer. He took something out from his pocket and handed it over to my best friend. It was a ring. I held the jacket close to me. It was the only thing he gave me willingly, not his body, not his love. I prayed this pain would not last throughout the year, and wished them both the best. | | comments: 11 comments or Leave a comment |
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